The Senior Change
April 3, 2024
The Talk: A Convincing Discussion About Senior Moves
May 6, 2024Darn, another gray hair. Where are those keys? My aching joints! We’ve certainly heard about the torments of senior living, but did you know elders are the happiest people alive? The Happiness Curve shows it’s a true scientific fact, sort of.
The (Social) Science of Happiness
The relationship between chronological age and happiness has been reported in scores of published research papers1-68. Most use surveys that asked people between age 20 and 90 to report how happy they feel on a 1 to 10 scale. Relatively-speaking, twenty-year-olds report high levels of happiness, which steadily decline as people age, bottoming out somewhere in their 40s. Then the trend reverses and climbs ever higher. When plotted, a Cheshire smile emerges.
This confounded some sociologists – many of whom were likely in their 30s and 40s — who launched numerous studies to challenge that sardonic grin on a host of issues often focused on the very definition of happiness and data issues like the cohort effect, which notes that happiness scores may be distorted by external events. 69, 70, 71, 72, 73 Consider a 20-year-old who is otherwise happy but is facing conscription during a war. He is likely to report lower happiness scores than a 45 year old in mid-life crisis but still answering on VE Day after Hitler was defeated. When statisticians correct for such data ripples, the familiar happiness grin consistently returns.
Under the Covers
Importantly, the studies don’t conclude that the same things making a 20-year-old happy will also cheer an elder. For example, a twenty-something may experience a heightened thrill crawling into work and narrowly eluding dismissal after a night of ribald socializing with new friends, while an octogenarian may report similar levels of bliss reading a book from their favorite author after tucking in a granddaughter and retiring with the fourth movement of Beethoven’s Ninth. The youth may not yet appreciate Beethoven let alone imagine being a grandparent. The elder may fondly recall similar nocturnal exploits without desiring to repeat them.
Freedom brings youthful exuberance. Sprung forth from oppressive parental custody, the emancipated youth gambols out in search of adventure and pleasure. But indulgence brings consequences. You can’t eat or drink as much without getting puffy. That great job which afforded a new car and nice house also brought along a 30-year mortgage. Sex brings all kinds of complications.
By the time they reach 45, they know they’re not as happy as 25. Yet never having been 65 years old, they can’t imagine getting older will make it better. That runs counter to their entire life experience.
Another bracing consideration is that most lives will be touched with calamity of some kind – death of someone close, career devastation, something with a child, financial crisis, a divorce. It’s a numbers game, and by middle age, their tragedy number has probably been called at least once.
The Frown Curve
For many happiness isn’t even an articulated goal, in part because we live in civilizations that were formed to facilitate survival, and productivity is more important for survival than happiness. It follows then that our institutions – education, government, religion, employment – focus on making us more productive.
Using income as a proxy for productivity, we note that twenty-year-olds have little income. Often they are students doing part-time work until securing a toehold in the workforce with that all-important first job. Relieved, they pour effort into the job and are rewarded with higher levels of pay. These pay increases are mixed with a liberal doses of performance reviews, office politics, and business perquisites, culminating around the late 40s which are considered the prime earning years.
For most, the pace of career progress sputters, and income growth is reduced or reversed. An ever-smaller percentage of workers continue their ascent up the income pyramid, but the broad majority face stagnant or declining wealth as they are shoved out of the workforce to make way for the next generation. The effects of reduced job opportunities for older workers produces a Frown Curve, which is ironically the near-perfect inverse of the Happiness Smile.
The Best Oxymoron: a Happy Elder
To a beleaguered 48-year old, and upward ascent promised by the Happiness Smile may seem implausible. Their bodies ache like never before, they have crushing debt, and it’s just about college time for the kids. On top of that, the good-paying jobs they once enjoyed are now being reserved for people several decades younger.
Sorting out what comes next feels like piecing together a message from an Ouija board, letter by letter, but for many, good cheer does emerge.
Being old does have some advantages. By definition, older people have been here longer, resulting in many more experiences with many people in many different situations. Even if they’ve never picked up a book in their lives, older folks know how to deal with people better,74 and interacting with people requires a lot of energy.
Think about the engineer programming robots. They all report that everyday human tasks account for a huge amount of processing power. It’s the same for humans. Both are increasingly learning machines that continuously develop short-cuts. Some examples: To avoid debilitating, wasteful conflict, elders can navigate around that recalcitrant clerk, perhaps using honey instead of vinegar. They know how to get their taxes filed on time, even if they still grumble, and they are no longer slaves to fashion, or slaves to anything else really. They’ve learned what can be ignored and what requires attention.
They also are out of the rat race. For those who had defined their self-worth by their jobs, the exit was devastating. But after a few years and they’ve survived, elders can appreciate the high price the workplace had been extracting.
Older folks reflect this with a gentle, faraway look in their eyes. Some call it spiritual. Some say grandpa is out of it again, but that’s often how a quiet joy looks, emerging from years of struggle.
There was an older woman sitting in the sun outside an assisted living facility recently. A young worker struck up a conversation with her, eventually asking, “Is it depressing to be living here with so many people here dying all the time?” The old gal simply smiled at the youngster and said, “No honey. We’re all sitting here on heaven’s doorstep.”
Keep the Email Coming
Finally, recall the points along the Happiness Curve are a nexus of average scores. Just because most people get happier doesn’t mean everyone gets happier. There are choices that will improve the odds of having a happy senior life.
First, restructure and refresh. Make your surroundings compatible with your particular elder lifestyle, with what you want to do next. That big house was great for raising kids, but now most of those bedrooms are empty, the big lawn needs to be cut, and most of the stuff in your attic won’t ever be used again. Lighten your load. Throw out old clothes that don’t fit the times. Go buy yourself something nice, even if it’s just a trifle.
Also, don’t go it alone. Pay attention to your social life. Many choose to retire, but work per se isn’t a dirty word. When pursued with purpose it has many non-monetary benefits. If you just can’t stomach any more formal employment, participate in hobbies or volunteer for something worthy
Lastly, stay in the game, and share your thoughts, feelings, and learnings. With so many disorienting changes, getting old can make you feel isolated and maybe even hostile. Some say they’ve earned the right to be crabby after what they’ve been through, which is your prerogative. But remember, other people also have the prerogative to avoid cranky people. Reach out to them in a way they understand.
When my dad was in his 80s, his kids and grandkids were all off pursuing their own lives scattered around the world. We were family but didn’t really know each other that well. Some wise soul set up an email group for the family, and we started sharing posts, perhaps out of reflexive habit, perhaps out of obligation.
All was going along when one day Grandpa Kevin reintroduced himself as GPK. It was a small gesture, but the moniker was hip yet grounded, setting the tone for many future exchanges which were often more honest and vulnerable than we ever felt comfortable sharing in person. GPK doesn’t send emails anymore, but we still get his messages.
About Operation Relo
Operation Relo provides a comprehensive downsizing services for families with elders. Senior support services include preparing older homes for sale; moving & shipping; and redistributing household possessions through cyberselling, estate sales, storage, donations, and disposal. Whatever it takes. Find us at OperationRelo.com, (877) 678 – 7356 (RELO), and [email protected].
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Footnotes
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